Watching an older parent or relative grow close to someone online can cause real worry when requests for money begin. Romance fraud affecting older people is rising, but intelligent and careful people can still be deceived by these skilled criminals. Awareness, calm conversations, and prompt action can protect your relative and may help recover money already sent.
Key Takeaways
- Romance fraudsters build trust before asking for money, account access, or investments.
- Older people may face higher losses because criminals target savings, pensions, and property.
- Avoid blame or ridicule, as shame can deepen the scammer’s control.
- Contact the bank quickly and preserve every message and payment record.
- Reimbursement, Ombudsman complaints, tracing, and legal claims may offer recovery routes.
Nic Roe, Solicitor, Wealth Recovery Solicitors: “The rise in romance fraud affecting older people is deeply concerning, but it is important to understand that these are sophisticated, organised criminals – not situations where a victim has been careless. Scammers exploit loneliness, trust, and life events such as bereavement to build relationships that feel entirely genuine. If your family is affected, avoid blame, act swiftly to contact the bank and report the matter to Report Fraud, and preserve all communications. There are real avenues for recovery, and no one should feel too ashamed to pursue them.”
What Is Romance Fraud?
Romance fraud happens when a criminal creates a false relationship to gain money or financial access. Contact may begin on a dating site, social network, game, or messaging app. An elderly romance scam often develops slowly before the fraudster invents an emergency or investment opportunity.
UK victims reporting romance fraud to Action Fraud lost over £100 million during 2024. The harm often includes grief, shame, and a deep loss of trust. Romance scam prevention must protect both your relative’s money and their emotional wellbeing.
Why Scammers Target Older People
Criminals do not target older adults because they are foolish. They may exploit loneliness after bereavement, accumulated savings, pensions, home ownership, and a generation that values politeness and trust. Lloyds data published in 2025 found that victims aged 75 to 84 had the highest average losses in its customer data.
Modern profiles can use stolen photographs, AI-generated images, and convincing messages. Criminals may study public posts to learn about a bereavement, hobby, holiday, or family dispute. These changing romance scam tactics make fake partners appear more believable and harder to question.
Warning Signs to Watch For
Romance fraud usually follows a pattern, even when the story feels unique. Look at the other person’s behaviour and any sudden changes in your relative’s habits. Several warning signs together should prompt a calm conversation.
Red Flags in the Relationship
A fraudster may create fast emotional closeness and describe the relationship as fate. They often avoid meeting or holding a normal video call, then use work abroad, military service, illness, or travel problems as excuses. Police guidance warns that fraudsters may isolate victims and move conversations away from dating platforms.
Common signs include:
- Declaring love or commitment unusually quickly.
- Refusing video calls or repeatedly cancelling meetings.
- Asking for secrecy from family and friends.
- Claiming to work overseas or in a dangerous role.
- Requesting money for travel, tax, medical care, or legal fees.
- Promoting crypto, trading, or a “guaranteed” investment.
- Asking for bank access, identity documents, or security codes.
Changes in Your Relative
Your relative may become protective of a new online friend or angry when anyone asks questions. You may notice unusual transfers, loans, gift card purchases, new payment apps, or crypto accounts. They may withdraw from family because the fraudster describes relatives as jealous or controlling.
Repeated borrowing, property discussions, or plans to change a will can also raise concern. These changes do not prove an elderly romance scam, but they justify a supportive conversation.
How to Start the Conversation
hoose a calm, private moment and ask how the relationship began, whether they have met, and whether money has been discussed. Avoid words such as “gullible” or “stupid”, because humiliation may drive your relative closer to the criminal. Listen first and challenge the evidence rather than your relative’s judgement.
Frame the discussion as a joint effort to outsmart organised fraudsters. Keep online dating positive and focus on checking this person rather than banning future relationships. The Met Police romance scam advice supports this approach by focusing on common warning signs rather than blame.
Practical Ways to Protect Them
Good romance scam prevention gives your relative more control, not less. Agree simple safeguards before a crisis and apply the same rules to every online contact. Learning how to avoid romance scams works best when the plan feels respectful.
Useful safeguards include:
- Agree that no money is sent before speaking to a trusted relative.
- Use reverse image searches on profile photographs.
- Keep conversations inside the dating platform at first.
- Limit public posts about savings, bereavement, travel, and property.
- Use unique passwords and multi-factor authentication.
- Set lower transfer limits where the account allows it.
- Ask the bank what support it can record for vulnerability.
- Check investment firms through the FCA before paying.
Your relative must remain involved when they have capacity to make their own decisions. Secret control can damage trust and make them hide future contact. A family rule helps protect parents romance scam targets without removing their independence.
If Money Has Been Sent
Act quickly without blaming your relative. Fast reporting may help stop later transfers and preserve reimbursement rights. Take these steps:
- Contact the bank immediately. Use a trusted number or dial 159 to reach a participating bank securely.
- Ask for a recall and scam review. Explain the false relationship and give the bank the full timeline.
- Stop further contact and payments. Do not send a final fee, tax payment, or “proof of trust”.
- Protect their accounts. Change exposed passwords and secure their email and social media profiles.
- Preserve the evidence. Save messages, profile links, photographs, payment records, wallet addresses, and transaction hashes.
- Report the crime. Contact Report Fraud, previously known as Action Fraud, in England, Wales, or Northern Ireland. Contact Police Scotland on 101 in Scotland.
- Explain any vulnerability. Tell the bank about bereavement, isolation, illness, cognitive change, or coercion that affected your relative.
- Challenge an unfair refusal. Eligible UK Faster Payments and CHAPS scam claims from 7 October 2024 can be reimbursed up to £85,000. Banks must reimburse a customer who was vulnerable to the specific scam, subject to the rules.
Specialist advice on romance fraud recovery claims can identify bank complaints, tracing work, and possible civil claims. Avoid anyone who guarantees recovery or asks for an upfront crypto payment. Secondary scammers often target people who have already lost money.
Get Help Recovering Their Money
Shame can stop a family from acting while evidence and assets disappear. A loss to a skilled fraudster is not a personal failure, and a bank refusal may not be the final answer. Wealth Recovery Solicitors handles sensitive scam cases through regulated legal and forensic routes.
The SRA-regulated team supports bank fraud claims, crypto tracing, investment scam recovery, and cross-border disputes. No win, no fee options may be available in suitable cases, and the firm reports recovering more than £66 million for clients. You can talk to our team today for a confidential, no-obligation assessment.
If you believe your parents have been a victim to a romance scam, contact us at Wealth Recovery Solicitors for a free consultation with our experienced team to determine the most effective route to recovering your funds.
FAQs
Can I report a scam on my relative’s behalf?
You can help your relative make a Report Fraud report and give the bank information about your concerns. The bank may need their consent or formal authority before discussing the account with you. Call 999 if there is an immediate danger or crime in progress.
What if my relative refuses to believe it’s a scam?
Avoid arguments, threats, or ridicule. Keep communication open and suggest one independent check at a time, such as a reverse image search or bank conversation. Contact adult safeguarding services or the police where coercion, abuse, or capacity concerns create an immediate risk.
Does power of attorney help stop romance fraud?
A registered property and financial affairs lasting power of attorney can let an attorney help with or make financial decisions within its terms. Your relative remains in control while they have capacity unless the document permits help sooner, and the attorney must act in their best interests. An LPA cannot be created after the person has lost the capacity needed to make it.
Can banks block payments to suspected romance scammers?
Banks can delay or block a payment while checking whether it is authorised or linked to fraud. A bank that suspects coercion or a scam should assess whether it is safe to let the payment continue. Any restriction must still be handled fairly.
Is money sent abroad to a scammer recoverable?
Recovery may be possible, but overseas transfers are harder and fall outside the mandatory UK APP rules. A bank recall, recipient-bank contact, asset tracing, foreign legal action, or a complaint about missed warnings may still help. Speed, evidence, and whether funds remain available will affect the outcome.